- Title: ストイックになれない
- Author: Hizaki Yuu
- Illustrator: Kouji Tatsuru
- Pairing: Nice colleague x Insecure salaryman
- Dramacd: no
- Seme: / (Konishi Katsuyuki ?)
- Uke: / (Toriumi Kousuke?)
- Summary based on: NOVEL
- Availability in English: NONE (as far as I know)
I love salarymen, at least, more than highschool-romance or teacher-student. But this proposal is ridiculous. I don’t think such a stupid law will get through, won’t that mean banning a thousands of BL and hentai? Isn’t that too time-consuming and expensive? Even the tax revenu will go down. Anyway, I hope it’s a lot of po-ha about nothing, but I do understand the panick.
Back to this novel, it’s a very mediocre novel. However, there’s a character I really like, I just want to punch him for not reaching for his happiness, because he so deserves some! It’s well written (in my humble opinion), as I followed uke’s grief of being neglected closely, but then again, it’s easy for me to get into a character’s feelings :p
So when his colleague and unrequited love (seme) suddenly confesses to uke, uke couldn’t believe his ears. The reason lies in the fact that seme used to be a real womaniser in college, and uke is aware of this since he also went to the same college (but seme has no clue about this; uke used to look very old-fashioned). Uke agrees to go out with seme, but on the condition that it stays platonic. Uke decided on that condition because he overheard seme once after going out with someone how he lost interest in her after sleeping with her once. Fortunately, uke isn’t alone in his he’ll-be-bored-with-me-soon-angst, and that’s his gay friend Nagano who was also from the same college, and happens to work in the same company. So the two go out, and seme acts like the best boyfriend in the world. This doesn’t stop uke’s worries however. Nagano decides to help uke out, and thinks of a plan to make seme never lose interest in uke, which is stirring up some good old jealousy. And it works! (of course, because he’s a BL-seme!) Seme becomes more possessive, and one evening, he loses his patience and attacks uke. Uke then confesses that he and Nagano are just friends from college, and that he went to the same college as seme, which is how he got to know seme’s reputation. The reason why he didn’t want to sleep with seme wasn’t because seme was a guy like uke, but because uke was scared to be dumped afterwards. Seme assures uke that he truly loves uke and they proceed to their first time.
Second part is again filled with uke-angst. The two have established a comfortable relationship, but uke can’t help noticing traces of seme’s past rendezvous with other women in seme’s home, like lost makeup articles, cute ashtrays,… etc making uke feel uneasy. So in such state of mind they meet an ex of seme, an ex that uke is also acquainted with, since they all went to the same college (she was the class-president or something). As she seems in despair to the point of tears, seme sends uke away for a private chat. Not entirely happy, and uke leaves with a smile, hoping for some explanation afterwards. But he gets no explanation at all, instead she seems to visit seme everyday and sometimes would even sleep over! And while she’s there, uke isn’t allowed to come over to his own lover’s place! Seme’s attitude to uke remains the same though, with the only difference that they only get to spend time together at work, and that seme leaves as soon work is over. Uke, being afraid that seme would find him noisy, doesn’t inquire much and tries his best to not look vexed on the surface. After two weeks uke finds an excuse to visit seme, and as expected, the ex was there too. But what uke didn’t count on was, an ex obviously just out of the shower and wearing seme’s shirt? She even welcomes uke, like she’s the lady of the house. Uke finally explodes, and asks whether he’s seme’s lover, and as seme’s lover, is allowed to make demands. He demands that she won’t come in seme’s house anymore. Seme refuses. Why, is she more important than him? At first seme stays silent, but then bursts out that she’s pregnant. Uke storms out in tears. The child must be seme’s, why else would she be allowed to stay at seme’s house all this time? His feet lead him to Nagano’s apartment, and there he does his story. As always, Nagano the sweetie just quietly listens. When Nagano finally answers seme’s continuous calls, Nagano molests uke on purpose for seme to hear. Enraged seme appears, taking uke away after having quieted down due to some sharp remarks of Nagano (basically, seme is self-centered and isn’t considering uke’s feelings at all). Back home, seme explains it was all a misunderstanding. Ex is actually hiding at seme’s place because her husband would beat her when drunk. Seme was purposely kind to ex to show off how gentle he can be to women (as he was an ass to them in the past), and even though he did wonder whether uke would be bothered, uke didn’t show this so he figured it was ok. Uke even encouraged seme, saying he should be nice to women in distress (but that was a lie).The reason he didn’t want uke come over was because he didn’t want to get despised if uke heard some of seme’s past escapades. They confirm their love once again and the next day, seme tells ex that she shouldn’t come over anymore, as his uke would be unhappy.
He’s actually a kind, social guy, with great looks, brains and skills. He used to be a real womaniser, but somehow he gave up on women and went over to uke. He has difficulties in placing himself in others’ positions, which makes him seem selfish. The person he loves the most: uke. The person he hates the most: Nagano.
I was rather amused when the ex commented that she wasn’t surprised that seme ended with a guy; he was such a jerk to women in the past, so his final partner must be a guy? What a lame reasoning is that?!
Uke used to have a very dull appearance, but thanks to Nagano’s makeover, he became more fashionable. But even with a new outer appearance, he still has no self-confidence and always worries whether seme wouldn’t get bored with him soon. In the end he does realise that he should fight for something he really wants instead of staying passive or angsting, and always convey his true feelings, even if they’re not always that noble.
About whether his worries are justified, I feel they are. Ex was one of the few women that seme respected (as opposed to the ass he usually is towards women). All that time, he was trying to be considerate and felt terrible wronged. So just when he felt like he was suffocating and had no choice anymore than to make a selfish request (something he seldom does), seme not only refused, he didn’t even properly explain himself. Really, he should turn to Nagano and leave seme >( Ah, but he loves him…
He got to know uke after noticing uke stares at seme. He’s 100% gay, but got to know seme through mutual friend in goukons, since friend needed good-looking guys. They’re acquainted, but no friends at all. He’s one of the most considerate guys in the world, always listening and advising uke. Even though he loves uke too, he would prioritise uke’s happiness before forcing his own feelings on uke (nice guys seldom get what they deserve), which is why he hands uke over to seme. He’s kind and has this playful way of talking, but that doesn’t mean he can’t get angry. Knows uke better than seme.
Not very original, but the way how the author described uke’s sufferings was build up very well, and doesn’t make you think that uke is exaggerating. It’s the kind of story you need to buy before liking it. I really hated the seme for making uke suffer and fervently supported for Nagano (in vain obviously). I really love Nagano, I hope there’s a sequel in which he meets a nice seme…The uke is very cute, and only if he’s voiced by ToriKou, he won’t sound annoyingly weak. My regrets are that the author should have used more of their days in college, and that seme should have suffered more.